Category — Quelle Horreur!

Dear Marc Jacobs: I would rather watch Taylor Swift feign shock & surprise again like she did last night at the Grammys when the audience applauded for her (Yes, Taylor, they clapped! For you! After performing at an awards show! Quel surprise!)…

…than wear your flipping crazy fall designs that you sent down the runway today. I suppose there really is no polite way to say this, so pardonnez-moi, but were you smoking crack when you designed this collection? Has the real MJ been kidnapped? Darlings, I’ll let you be the judge…

Now if the look you were going for was “polyester pilgrim pimp” ~ my apologies again ~ you nailed it!

Drop-crotch jeans. Even the name is cringe-worthy.

What made retailers like Oak NYC buy these bizarre britches?

That’s hot…not.

Good news ~ looks like the droopy denim is on its way out, not that it was ever “in”.  Oak has since slashed prices in half, most likely in an effort to purge the surplus in storehouses right now.

Until then, Hammertime.

Come on, Eileen — I mean Katie — pay for a stylist for you and your kooky little red lipstick-wearing daughter.

“I’m happy that my daughter is strong-willed and determined. You really have to go with what the child is wanting.” ~Katie “Suri Wears the Pants” Holmes

When I’m flitting about between boutiques on the sidewalks and streets, especially at prime people-watching places about town, I don’t miss a trick. Every fashion statement, hit, and misstep is catalogued in the blink of my Gucci-shaded eyes.

Lately, a trend-gone-wrong that has stopped me in my click-clacks – and, if I weren’t a lady, would leave my jaw hanging – is the shirtdress. It may as well be renamed the “dress-shirt” – as in, dress that shirt up with some pants, please!

When you get it right, a simple, clean-cut shirtdress is a chic staple every girl should own. My pretty picks: Ralph’s timeless number in rich buttery biscuit and Shoshanna’s prim perfection in geranium.

The cherry on top? Pockets! Frocks with pockets make me smile & want to toss my Burberry hat in the air à la Mary Tyler Moore.

A shirtdress is also the perfect answer to that daily nagging question, “What on earth will I wear today?” as you stand in a closet stuffed with clothes and shoes. Girl, you know it’s true.

Buyer beware:  there’s a sea of wannabe shirtdresses out there just waiting for you to slip-up, so a discerning eye is critical. Don’t be fooled by cheaper fabrics that are ill-fitting and cause those unsightly in-between-button pulls. If the fabric looks and feels cheap, it probably is!

A hint that a dress is well made? You guessed it: frock pockets. Just knowing they exist makes me feel 110% sassier.

The tip du jour?  The shirtdress is a dress styled with the details of a shirt. Not a shirt to be worn as a dress. So if it looks like you’re channeling Tom Cruise à la Risky Business - call me a relic, call me what you will, say I’m old-fashioned, say I’m over the hill – you should probably put some pants on.

As I look at the gowns streaming down the red carpet I always wonder what makes a gown Oscar-worthy? Even for those lucky celebs who have numerous occasions to get dolled up for, the Academy Awards are still a pretty monumental wardrobe decision.

So knowing the style stakes are so high, it’s always surprising to me that some actresses can still manage to get it wrong. Of course there’s a few who get it right. These are the Oscars! I expect to be shown something pretty that wows me!  Here’s some highlights from 2010:

Demi Moore – I adored her feminine, perfectly draped, peach ruffle-tiered Versace. She gets my best-dressed vote! The only thing missing? Her perfect accessory-of-a-husband.

Sarah Jessica Parker – I loved her pale yellow, metallic rosette-encrusted Chanel gown. Along with her piled-high hair, it reminded me of something Holly Golightly would wear.

Rachel McAdams – was feminine and pretty in a refreshing watercolor Elie Saab frock in blue, green and pink.

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